


Beauty of the End

by tromana



Series: Fall to Grace [7]
Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode s04e24 The Crimson Hat, F/M, Introspection, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 23:25:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tromana/pseuds/tromana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During his six month absence from the CBI, Jane writes a series of letters to his wife and daughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beauty of the End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lothiriel84](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothiriel84/gifts).



> Written for Lothiriel84 in the Paint It Red 2012 Great Stocking Exchange.

Angela, my love,

It has been too long since I last wrote to you.

Red John is still out there. Still killing people, still ruining mine.

Still trying to destroy me.

Do I still want him dead? Of course I do. At my hands, or at somebody else’s? Right now, it doesn’t seem to matter quite so much.

Now, I feel like I need to be more proactive in my search for your killer. I know that you hate revenge, and you probably hate the fact that this is one of the very few things that keeps me going, but I cannot help it. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with my fight; sometimes, it seems like Red John has made that decision for me.

I have a plan.

The only way I can get close to Red John is by willingly walking into the proverbial dragon’s lair.

I need to persuade Red John that I have fallen off the brink into insanity. Somehow, I need to bend the rules of the CBI so far that I will be forced out. I need him to believe that I require ‘saving’, that I have ‘seen the light’ and I wish to be on ‘his side’.

All I can do is hope that it doesn’t cost me too much.

I love you so much. Not a day goes by without me thinking about how much I miss you and little Lottie. Send her my love.

I love you.

With all my heart,

Patrick xxx

 

My dear Angela,

The plan is in motion.

Please don’t hate me for it.

-Patrick x

 

Angela,

It has been one week, four hours and twenty-three minutes since I was fired from the CBI.

It has been one week, four hours and twenty-one minutes since I last saw and spoke to Teresa Lisbon.

I am now living in Las Vegas; the sin capital of the country. If there is any place where I can stage a breakdown, then this is the one.

I miss the security of the CBI.

I miss Lisbon.

And I miss you.

I’m meant to be feeling like I’m getting closer and closer to my target. Instead, I feel like I’m getting further away from it.

Maybe I really am suffering from a descent into insanity?

Until next time…

Patrick x

 

My little Lottie,

I love you to the moon and back.

I wish you were still here. You are my pride and joy; I’d give anything to have seen you grow up into the beautiful young woman you were always going to be.

I still think about you every day. I still imagine what you would be doing today.

It hurts when I think about what you must think of me.

Please know that, whatever I do, it is always with you in mind.

I have not gone mad. I am just trying to catch a bad man.

I hope I’m not scaring you too much.

With lots of love, hugs and kisses.

Daddy xxxxx

 

Dearest Angela…

I’m not sure if the plan is working.

All I seem to be doing is causing chaos to no avail.

I bet you and Lisbon are both having a good laugh at my idiocy.

Love, always…

Patrick xx

 

Angela,

I was probably wrong about Lisbon.

She hasn’t stopped texting or calling since I left.

I should have known that this would happen; I shouldn’t have underestimated her.

It seems like I’m only capable of hurting the people I care about. And yet, I’ve not really done anything to earn the care and consideration. Maybe, I should have entrusted her with the details of my plan. But then, would it have really worked? I need to look like I’m completely off the radar and by indulging in my desire to have contact with her, it would fail spectacularly. I know it.

I hope you’re not as worried about me as she is. She seems to be doing enough worrying for the both of you.

Love Patrick xxx

 

My dear Angela,

I’ve met an… interesting woman lately.

Or at least, she seems to have taken a vested interest in _me_.

I’m not sure, but I think she may have links to Red John. Why else would she be so determined to get to know me? Unless, she’s just interested in the fact that ‘I speak to dead people’ and after a psychic reading.

Like the last two women who built my hopes up were.

-Patrick xx

PS. Her name is Lorelei. Is that a sign?

 

My beautiful Angela-

Lorelei has been talking to me more lately. Some of things she says got me thinking. She’s definitely not interested in my psychic readings. Nor is she after the drugs I’ve been dealing in order to stage my breakdown further.

I needed to move things onwards. I think she’s the one I’ve been waiting for.

I got myself arrested.

I’m sorry.

And I wish I could say that to Teresa, too.

-Patrick

 

Lottie, my darling girl-

Please don’t think less of your daddy because he got arrested.

It’s just a game, honest.

Remember: your daddy loves you and he always will.

xxx

 

Dearest Angela-

I slept with Lorelei.

It wasn’t an act of love; I didn’t want to or mean to dishonor you or our vows. I’m sorry. Again.

But she told me she was working for Red John. She was his ‘gift’ to me.

I was right.

I just hope that the price wasn’t too much.

I will always love you,

Patrick xxx

 

Angela-

Teresa agrees with you that my plan is stupid.

Sometimes, I wonder if your voices are beginning to sound the same in my head.

Jane x

 

So.

I told Teresa that I love her.

She pretended not to realize what I said, but I know she knows. And she knows that I know she knows.

The last person I said those words to landed up dead.

As you well know.

I do hope I’ve not tempted fate…

Jane

 

Lottie,

I wonder what you would think of Teresa.

She can get mad very easily, but she is a very nice lady when you get to know her. It just takes a lot of hard work.

I wonder if you would mind if she ever becomes your step-mom.

It wouldn’t mean I’d think anything less of you, my beautiful baby girl, or of your mommy.

But she is very special to me.

With lots and lots of love,

Daddy xxx

 

Angela,

I always said I wouldn’t fall in love with another woman since you. I think we both know that I was wrong now.

I do love Teresa – but it’s too dangerous.

I can’t do anything about it, not yet, anyway.

But please, always know that I have enough room for the both of you in my heart.

Patrick xxxx

 

Dear Angela-

It’s over. The game is up. We haven’t caught Red John, but we do have Lorelei in custody.

I don’t know how Teresa managed it, but somehow, I am back working for the CBI. If I believed in miracles, than maybe I would call it that. Instead, I figure that she just (somehow) pulled a hell of a lot of favors.

Agent Wainwright has been killed by Red John. There is another mole within the FBI. Maybe it’s Agent Darcy? But I don’t know; she seems too obvious.

I don’t think Teresa has forgiven me yet, but I can’t blame her for that. Maybe one day, she will. I hope so, anyway. I don’t think I can live without her. Not anymore. At least she wants me to stay close beside her. It’s better than nothing; I’ve missed her during these past six months.

And I hope that we’re nearing the end of this sorry mess. Red John needs to be caught and soon.

I love you.

Please give Charlotte a big hug and a kiss for me. Tell her that her daddy loves her too.

With love,

Patrick xxxx


End file.
